Stacey Baker

I'm just now attempting to figure out how to be "me" once again. My son, now 20, left home just weeks after graduating from High School. Although it broke my heart to see him go, it was his decission. He was attending college in Chicago, an easy train commute from our suburban hometown, but felt it was time he moved out as well. At that point my partner of 11yrs decided we too should make a change and we moved from my lifelong home of the Chicago suburbs to rural Pennsylvania so she could be closer to her family. My son has still not forgiven me for leaving.
After just one semester of college, his biological father renigged on an agreement to help his first born son with his college expences and my son was forced to withdraw from his studies and go to work full-time. This was just the beginning of his downward spiral. He dropped out of school, moved out of the friend's home where he was staying while he was taking classes to get his own place. An appartment he could barely afford. But he wanted to live there because it was where he grew up, the same neighborhood. His new girlfriend moved in with him and shortly there after their party-minded friends made their apartment Party-Central. Even though my son continued to work 60hr work weeks, his girlfriend and her friends continued to influence his decissions. Eventually leading up to him actually having an argument with his boss and ended up with him walking out of the job he'd had since he was 16. I got a tearful phone call that evening from my son begging me for a place to stay because after loosing his job he knew he couldn't afford to keep this place. He lied to me and told me he had be fired because he had dared to ask for a raise. I didn't know it was a lie until months later.
Long story short, he did move out here with his girlfriend, now wife. They eloped on a short visit back to Illinois unbeknownced to anyone except one friend.
They've moved several times in less than 6mos. From here to another town in Pennsylvania, back to Illinois (my sister-in-law's place...where they couldn't handle the idea of "my house, my rules" she placed on them...which I supported HER) to now living on the street.
At this point I'm sure anyone reading this is asking: "are drugs involved?" my answer is, unfortunately, yes.
He won't listen to reason, he can't see past his own choices to how it's affecting his life. I can't help him until he's ready to help himself.

This breaks my heart more than anything. It's like watching your only child die in front of you and there's nothing you can do to prevent it.
He chose to move out, he chose to marry this girl that has been nothing but trouble for him. He chose to leave my home a second time.
I'm angry because he is a brilliant young man, talented, giving, loyal, hardworking...but the drugs and this girl have taken all that away and there's nothing I can do to get him back.
I have to just watch and hope.